Vision for a wedding in Maine

So...I am getting married- I can't tell you how awesome that feels- man! I jsut feel like a princess who finally discovered the key to Prince Charming.... :-)

We're getting married in Maine- it is beautiful there and that is where I grew up. My folks are still there...on a lovely piece of woods on a pond.

Vision for the wedding- I need to put down in thoughts what I want. I want simple. I want fun. I want pretty and memorable for all involved. I want Tom at my side. I want live music. I jsut want lots of hugging and kissing of Tom and lots of well-wishes by friends. I want to be outside (I hope it doesn't rain!) and I want to wear a beautiful dress with purple bridesmaids dresses. I want people up and about, not sitting at a table. I want people to feel free to come up to us and us to them- not hampered by barriers of tables... I don't want stuffy- formal- with name cards. I want relaxed, lots of smiling, laughing, dancing, eating, drinking and hugging. I really don't want people locked to a table- I just want to have fun. The bottom line- I want things to run smoothly with everybody able to enjoy Maine Labor Day Wknd and jsut have a great party. That's all! I want us to mingle with everybody. I am not worried about details (odd for me)- I trust that we will have a fun great party! That's all- do we sense a key word here? Fun! Not stressful...not fancy...not princess-like...not sophisticated...FUN! That's all! Fun! :-)

I am having such a hard time concentrating on anything! I don't want to do work...I just want to think about my life with Tom. I've wasted a whole hour this afternoon- not good! But- that's ok...I'm only engaged once!

Tom and Megan

Me and the love of my life!

I'm getting Married!

Yep- that's right! Tom, the love of my life, and I are getting married! We had been talking about it a lot and I was having a hard time being patient...I was trying hard- just wasn't too successful. I felt really bad about that- but it was just busting out of me! Anyway- this past weekend, April 21-22, we were in Akron for Tim's b-day. On Saturday we went to the jewelery store and Tom wanted to look at rings. We'd done that once in Columbus. This time we stopped at his Grandmas to get the diamond she wanted me to have. I wasn't sure if we were stil ljsut looking or what.

Anyway- none of the settings really thrilled me...until I put on the one. It was beautiful- I started to cry and Tom and I were emotional together. I love a man that can be emotional. Anyway, They cleaned up his grandma's diamond and placed it in teh setting- it was perfect- absolutely beautiful. I couldn't believe it! I was just crying and the people in teh store were starting to well up too... Tom put 50% down and they said it would be ready this coming Friday. I figured that I'd have another couple weeks until engagement time...

Well...we were driving back to Columbus and I thought we'd go to Marc's (grocery store) and then to Tom's apt. He passed 270, Morse Rd., 670 E...I was confused. He got off the Neil Ave. exit and I thought we were going to my apartment. We stopped at Gooddale park and he thought it was a ncie night to walk around- it was beautiful out. We walked around the park a bit- just smiling and talking...then we started walking towards Buttles Ave...and High St.- the corner at which Tom and I first laid eyes on each other. I had an inkling then what was going on- but still didn't really know- we've gone to that corner other times...anyway- he started telling me about the directions I'd given him for our first date- where to meet- and then he stopped at the point at which he first saw me and my hair...then when we got to the corner where we met- he held me in his arms, told me how much he loved me and asked me to marry him. I started crying and said yes- of course! He teared up- it was wonderful- people milling about...

tom totally surprised me! I couldn't believe it! :-)What could honestly be better? This weekend we will go to Akron again and this time I will come home with a ring on my finger...engaged to marry the man of my dreams...on September 3, 2006.

Uneasy

You know how when you love someone so much that it hurts and that when they are hurting, you feel just as bad? Isn't it worse when you think that it might be partially or wholly your fault? That's where I am right now...

Yep...I am totally, 100%, couldn't-imagine-my-life-without-him in LOVE with Tom. He makes me smile, makes me proud, makes me laugh, makes me feel loved, makes me feel just good about myself. Well...yesterday and today he hasn't been feeling so great- not physically. Physically, I think, he's feeling fine. The problem is that he isn't satisfied with his job right now. Am I taking too much of his focus off of work? We do e-mail when I'm at school and he's at work, so maybe we need to stop that. Maybe we should act like other people who communicate in the morning and then when they get home from work... That is doable- and if it helps- by golly, lets do it!

The other issue is, however, and this has been around for a while...that he isn't comfortable at "my" church and I'm not comfortable at his. Actually, I love the kids and youth group at his church but I have not been able to sit through a sermon with one of the ministers without getting so upset that it was all I could do to not run out and cry. So...yeah...not good... Well...my church, where I joined when I was single and just looking for a comfortable, spiritually fulfilling place, is not somewhere that he is comfortable. There are a lot of older adults and people our parents' ages. Not a lot of 20-somethings... When I joined, that wasn't important to me. I had friends at school (and still do) and wasn't looking to meet somebody at church. Well...I am very involved now- not nearly as much as I was at one point- but nonetheless, I am still pretty active in the church. Tom doesn't get any 20-something time at work (all people older than him) and he doesn't get that at church because he has been going with me.

The dilemma...we want to go to chruch together. He is not getting what he needs from St. John's (spiritual connection and young adults). I feel really uncomfortable listening to one of the ministers at his church, though I think the other guy would be fine. We need a place where we can both go. This morning this came up b/c he was gonig to what remains of his small group- they met for breakfast. He is hoping that if that becomes a regular event that he will feel like he is interacting spiritually with peers. What if it doesn't? I can't provide everything he needs- sometimes we have to look outside the relationship for things- that is fine- but we need to be willing to do that- for church, for young adult interaction...

Anyway...there is no solution right now. I dont' know how things will pan out. God has a plan for us and we are just trying to pay attention and hear what it is. I only know that I love Tom with all my heart and can't wait until I am his wife. We are a strong team and can weather these two dilemmas (work and church) together.

Maybe now that I have this all written I'll be able to focus and work on some schoolwork...

Interesting prospect...

With a closed door, a window is always opened. Ok...so...I applied for and was awarded a NIH training grant for clinical research this summer. Yeah! It has associated with it a stipend- double Yeah! I also have a graduate research associateship that requires 20 hours of work/ week and has a stipend attached. Things were looking like I'd earn two stipdends this summer...how cool would that be?! Unfortunately, it can't happen. Apparently, teh NIH grant is a full time gig and the GRA is a 1/2 time gig and the university computers fart when they try to make somebody a 1.5 position...that is- they don't want to "overextend" me. Whatever... So- after lots of phone calls and e-mails- that was finally figured out. So...that means one stipend this summer...:-( Door closed...

I went and talked to my boss, THE Nancy Ryan-Wenger, who is a great researcher and really well- respected. Anyway, she suggested that I not worry about the GRA this summer and only do the NIH thing and then write like crazy, trying to get articles published. Cool idea- especially since I'm on a "short list" for prospective faculty in teh future...open window! :-) Yeah! I'll do that for sure! I'd love to work here and if I am being hinted at that I shoudl publish this sumemr, you bet your bippy I'll be writing my hiney off! :-) It is also really cool that Nancy Ryan-Wenger said she wanted to work with me for a research residency- that is AWESOME!

God is so amazing. Last year at this time I was in Maine, working clinicals, staying up all night- thinking I had a sort of phone relationship with a loser back here in Columbus. That ended, I had a sumemr of hard work and despair, and then came back for the PhD after money miraculously appeared at my feet...Then, one week or so after starting the doctoral program, I met the man of my dreams and we are now talkinga bout getting married...even further, people keep talking to me about a job here when I am done. How am I so blessed? Faith...that is all there is to it.

So...that is my closed door, open window story. :-)

Wow!

I can't believe this quarter is already in its 4th week! That means that next week I have papers due and midterms. Yikes! That's right...3 papers and one exam next week- I hope I can survive. I must start working on them now...

This past weekend was great- didn't feel like I was in school at all. Had a wonderful time with Tom's family- really felt like one of the crew. They welcomed me and I felt comfortable- like I really knew them well. That's a good feeling. I think Tom's dad is even warming up to me- maybe he realizes I'll be around for the duration. :-)

It is always hard to hop back on the merry-go-round when it is spinning- but I feel like that is what I did today. Try to jump on and catch up without falling off. Yikes! Back to work...

I love puppy dogs

It is almost Easter! The weather is gorgeous, the birds are singing, half-naked people are relaxing on the oval. :-) Tomorrow is an exciting day- I get to go to the spa with Tiffany and then tomorrow evening Tom and I are heading to Munroe Falls for the weekend- how awesome is that?!

Today I must buckle-down and get my work done for next week so that I don't have to worry about things over hte weekend. It is so hard when it is so gorgeous outside. Fortunately (or not) I have an office int he basement with no windows...so I can trick myself into believing that it really isn't nice out. ha!

Rainy Day

Today feels like it should be a rainy day. I knwo it is going to rain this afternoon- but it seems like it should be grey and raining now...I'm in a curl up on the couch with your cow and blankie, take a nap or watch TV kind of mood. not the kind of mood to sit at school and pretend to read, knowing that you don't have much time this weekend to get the reading done, yet you're not able to concentrate and get it done now anyway. Yeah... rainy day...

I need my Tom

April Fools Day

So, it is April 1. Last night Tom and I went to Rita and Brian's house. We had fun- Brian cooked a wonderful meal- filet, potatos, onion, bacon, blue cheese and spinach. mmmm... Rita made some Korean dumplings- :-) and for dessert we had some sorbet- mango. Great. Also some green tea soy icecream- not so great. tasted like soy milk. We had a great time though! Some red wine, great company, lots of laughs. Rita showed us the pictures from Taiwan. She looked like a princess.

This morning I woke to my loving honey right at my side. :-) After a lazy start, we got going, had some mango and watched a little TV. Now it is time for spring cleaning- I understand the urge. Sometimes you just have to clean- it just needs to get done. I think this is the first time I've seen Tom like this- I'll definitely support it! :-)

Tom told me the secret this morning- after figuring out that I can't handle secrets well at all...I can if I know when I'll find out... Anyway- the secret is that he loves me and wants to marry me. Then he said that "hopefully someday" I'd say yes to him...all he has to do is ask. Hopefully for me that someday will be closer than later to today. :-) I think someday sounds like it could be 1 year or 10 years away- I don't thikn I'd last that long! Yikes! I'd just burst!

I'm going to do some reading and then hopefully we'll go to Easton this afternoon. Trader Joes and Dicks at least. Who knows... Just chillin'