Uneasy
You know how when you love someone so much that it hurts and that when they are hurting, you feel just as bad? Isn't it worse when you think that it might be partially or wholly your fault? That's where I am right now...
Yep...I am totally, 100%, couldn't-imagine-my-life-without-him in LOVE with Tom. He makes me smile, makes me proud, makes me laugh, makes me feel loved, makes me feel just good about myself. Well...yesterday and today he hasn't been feeling so great- not physically. Physically, I think, he's feeling fine. The problem is that he isn't satisfied with his job right now. Am I taking too much of his focus off of work? We do e-mail when I'm at school and he's at work, so maybe we need to stop that. Maybe we should act like other people who communicate in the morning and then when they get home from work... That is doable- and if it helps- by golly, lets do it!
The other issue is, however, and this has been around for a while...that he isn't comfortable at "my" church and I'm not comfortable at his. Actually, I love the kids and youth group at his church but I have not been able to sit through a sermon with one of the ministers without getting so upset that it was all I could do to not run out and cry. So...yeah...not good... Well...my church, where I joined when I was single and just looking for a comfortable, spiritually fulfilling place, is not somewhere that he is comfortable. There are a lot of older adults and people our parents' ages. Not a lot of 20-somethings... When I joined, that wasn't important to me. I had friends at school (and still do) and wasn't looking to meet somebody at church. Well...I am very involved now- not nearly as much as I was at one point- but nonetheless, I am still pretty active in the church. Tom doesn't get any 20-something time at work (all people older than him) and he doesn't get that at church because he has been going with me.
The dilemma...we want to go to chruch together. He is not getting what he needs from St. John's (spiritual connection and young adults). I feel really uncomfortable listening to one of the ministers at his church, though I think the other guy would be fine. We need a place where we can both go. This morning this came up b/c he was gonig to what remains of his small group- they met for breakfast. He is hoping that if that becomes a regular event that he will feel like he is interacting spiritually with peers. What if it doesn't? I can't provide everything he needs- sometimes we have to look outside the relationship for things- that is fine- but we need to be willing to do that- for church, for young adult interaction...
Anyway...there is no solution right now. I dont' know how things will pan out. God has a plan for us and we are just trying to pay attention and hear what it is. I only know that I love Tom with all my heart and can't wait until I am his wife. We are a strong team and can weather these two dilemmas (work and church) together.
Maybe now that I have this all written I'll be able to focus and work on some schoolwork...
Yep...I am totally, 100%, couldn't-imagine-my-life-without-him in LOVE with Tom. He makes me smile, makes me proud, makes me laugh, makes me feel loved, makes me feel just good about myself. Well...yesterday and today he hasn't been feeling so great- not physically. Physically, I think, he's feeling fine. The problem is that he isn't satisfied with his job right now. Am I taking too much of his focus off of work? We do e-mail when I'm at school and he's at work, so maybe we need to stop that. Maybe we should act like other people who communicate in the morning and then when they get home from work... That is doable- and if it helps- by golly, lets do it!
The other issue is, however, and this has been around for a while...that he isn't comfortable at "my" church and I'm not comfortable at his. Actually, I love the kids and youth group at his church but I have not been able to sit through a sermon with one of the ministers without getting so upset that it was all I could do to not run out and cry. So...yeah...not good... Well...my church, where I joined when I was single and just looking for a comfortable, spiritually fulfilling place, is not somewhere that he is comfortable. There are a lot of older adults and people our parents' ages. Not a lot of 20-somethings... When I joined, that wasn't important to me. I had friends at school (and still do) and wasn't looking to meet somebody at church. Well...I am very involved now- not nearly as much as I was at one point- but nonetheless, I am still pretty active in the church. Tom doesn't get any 20-something time at work (all people older than him) and he doesn't get that at church because he has been going with me.
The dilemma...we want to go to chruch together. He is not getting what he needs from St. John's (spiritual connection and young adults). I feel really uncomfortable listening to one of the ministers at his church, though I think the other guy would be fine. We need a place where we can both go. This morning this came up b/c he was gonig to what remains of his small group- they met for breakfast. He is hoping that if that becomes a regular event that he will feel like he is interacting spiritually with peers. What if it doesn't? I can't provide everything he needs- sometimes we have to look outside the relationship for things- that is fine- but we need to be willing to do that- for church, for young adult interaction...
Anyway...there is no solution right now. I dont' know how things will pan out. God has a plan for us and we are just trying to pay attention and hear what it is. I only know that I love Tom with all my heart and can't wait until I am his wife. We are a strong team and can weather these two dilemmas (work and church) together.
Maybe now that I have this all written I'll be able to focus and work on some schoolwork...
posted by Megan @ 8:42 AM
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